life and all that stuff

It's been months since I posted. Partly out of inertia, and partly because I just didn't know what to say. I think I've been frozen since October, when I dropped out of grad school.


It wasn't a really surprising thing for me to do, since I've been joking about it for years, but it
took me by surprise nonetheless. I came back to campus after spending the summer with my Boy in England, and the sight of Stanford made me cry. The thought of having to deal with the people and see the places made me want to run away and hide. And the only good reason I could think of to do any of it was to get paid--which is laughable given how little I was getting paid! So I left the department, I left academia, and I probably left archaeology. I love the field, I love the work, but I don't love it enough to make up for all of the bad, and these days you have to take the two together. So, I decided to move on to something that was at least enough money to make doing it just to get paid worthwhile! I got fired up about what I want to do next, and started making plans. But because I was back in England, I couldn't get a job, so I just... froze. I didn't have anything to do, or anything to be, and I got a little lost. I don't like being a housewife, and I hated being financially dependent on the Boy, but I couldn't do anything about it-- and it was made worse by the fact that we didn't have the conversation about how our six month test of living together was going until three days before I left, and so I retreated into our flat and hid for a little while. But now we've decided that we DO like each other after more than two weeks in a row, and I feel like a real person again, as though I can start to make plans and do things for me.

Hopefully, more frequent blogging will be on the list of things I do-- it'll be nice to have a record of what I was thinking as we began the moving process!